Bright colors, sculptured fish, happy animal murals and Radio Flyers being pulled by parents; no we aren’t in a children’s museum and we are not here for a fun family outing. We are walking through Children’s Hospital on the campus of the University of Alabama – Birmingham. It is time for Lauren’s yearly check up with Dr. McGrath, her Pediatric Neurologist. A year has passed and there are some behavioral concerns that we want to discuss with the doctor. Lauren has made progress with her speech and other skills, but she is getting harder to handle. Her tantrums are getting longer and more physical. She never sleeps through the night and loud noises cause extreme distress. She becomes exhausted by 5 or 6 pm everyday and this just leads to more tantrums.
While we begin explaining these things to Dr. McGrath, Lauren is grabbing my nose and using it as a handle to turn my head. Then she turns her attention to the doctor and tries to take his papers. Next she is on the floor under the table. I know I will be exhausted by the end of the appointment. We express our concerns to Dr. McGrath and it is obvious that he can sense our frustration. The recommendations that follow are not what I expected. Dr. McGrath recommends medication for my 8 year old baby girl, an anti-psychotic to be exact. The medication will help to calm the tantrums and relax her so that hopefully she will sleep through the night. We more rest at night hopefully it will help the exhaustion she experiences that will help with the tantrums and combined with its effects on her behavior alone. Secondly, he recommends that we begin working with UAB Behavioral Health Services.
While I sit there trying to decide how to feel and what to think Dr. McGrath reassures me that we have been doing great. He reminds me that we are still in a grieving process for our daughter (This is another topic for another day). Needless to say I considered this a stressor this week. It isn’t really a new stress but it has taken a different turn. I left the hospital after the appointment wondering again what was the rest of my daughter’s life going to be like and if I am doing all I can to help her have the very best quality of life. Robert and I have recently joined the Civitan Club. The Civitan International is an organization that helps support research for those with development delays (such as Lauren). They even help to fund a research center here in Birmingham, AL that we have been lucky enough to utilize. It provides us with the opportunities to be proactive for a cause that is close to our hearts. I think this is our way of focusing the stress we feel about our own situation. The cliché “life is a balance” comes to mind now because as I mentioned yesterday this isn’t the only stressor of my week. I don’t want to get tunnel vision. So I will sit this thing on a shelf and deal with the next thing that comes my way.
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5 comments:
OK, this is completely different from the day to day, job, money,traffic kind of stress.
I don't know Lauren's diagnosis, but I'm sure you and Robert have worn yourselves out on research into causes, treatments, etc. You have been given quite the challenge; raising a child with special needs.
The future has become a scary place to go in your imaginings because there is still so many unanswered questions in the here and now.
So, give yourself a break. None of us know what our future holds; we have our hopes and dreams but life doesn't follow a script.
The best we can do is be present in the present. Today this minute is all that is important because it is what's real.
Perhaps the behavioral division will be able to provide some new techniques to help ease some of the worst problems.
My thoughts and prayers will be with you all.
Ultimately both of you will find your own coping mechanisms. To be in the present is but one way, reminds me of Eckhart Tolle's teachings as in "The Power of now", rockync has a point. My wife and I fret over our 12 year old daughters acne problem, hence everyone's perception of challenge and pain is different.
Sounds like you are doing well under the circumstances although you may have your moments, a perfectly human experience.
I will have my wife read this post later, (when she gets home that is)for now thanks for sharing one of your stressors..
God Bless
american interests - I've never read Tolle's work, but I've heard there's a lot of hoopla over his new book.
Being in the present is not a new idea; it's been around a long time. On my journey to find spiritual growth and a peaceful soul, I have read and listened to several persons I have a lot of respect for and "living in the present" has been a common theme. Even the Bible points this out - forgive me for not knowing the location off the top of my head, but the Bible talks of not worrying about tomorrow, there is plenty to think about today; tomorrow will take care of itself.
I sometimes must force myself into this state of mind just so I can function. Whether you believe in karma or projecting into the universe or praying to God, many times just putting forth the pain and fear about a situation in your life brings about a solution.
So many times when I have been faced with something seemingly insurmountable, calling out for help brings a solution, not the one I thought I needed, perhaps, but a solution that worked.
BTW the book I'm currently reading is called "If Life Is A game, These Are The Rules." Much simpler terminology and a much smaller tome than these new styled gurus are putting out who must surely be getting paid by the word. :)
From what I have heard from Robert, you both are doing a wonderful job dealing with Lauren's difficulties. My last post really inspired me and I gained a new perspective on life. I'm not sure if you've heard of it but it is called "The Awakening".
Hope your week gets less stressed!!
We hear so much as a society about stress and stressors, yet don;t truly appreciate the effect it has on us. Thre is negative stress such as financial problems or a death in the family, and there is Eustress (the good kind) that forces you to confront problems or enjoy a wedding or a birth.
Stress comes in different forms, but it is normally unexpected events or expected events with little planning that lead to stress. Physical fitness and good diet is essential to dealing with it, but don't follow y lead on those two things....
Sometimes the stressor prsents a motivation for success...the stress of losing your home or not being able to feed the family can make you work harder. The stress of Lauren and her issues can force us to set aside our personal goals and ideas for the sake of someone else.
We can;t eliminate it, so I guess the best we can do is make efforts to cope and conquer it.
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