Horoscope or just a message

Now I haven’t posted to my blog since March but life really got so busy for me that I just didn’t have time to stop and post. I was going to school 4 nights a week and working full time and trying to serve as the President of the Buck Creek Civitan Club. I still think that posting here could be a good release for me. Somewhere to express myself when my friends and family are tired of hearing me….lol!



December 31, 2008

It is impossible for you to be content with superficial answers now, and you are impatient with people who avoid looking candidly and honestly at root causes and hidden reasons for any problem or situation. You can become obsessed with an idea or problem until you have figured it out.


Ok so I like to read the horoscopes for fun. Sometimes I find that it is a coincidence how closely it is reflecting what is going on with me at the time. Today was one of those times and I just had to share. As you read the above horoscope it will not be as significant to you as it was me as I perused each line slowly wondering if I was reading the words right. However, those that I have confided in recently will understand.

There are circumstances in my life right now that have me questioning decisions I have made. I am in a war of wills. I was raised by my Dad to be independent and he prides himself on that when he sees that I am capable of many things that some women would not be. I didn’t always draw on this strength as much as I should have but when things got really tough I could always hold my own ground. Consequently, I have also been strong-willed. Needless to say when you put two people together that have these same traits it can result in a lot of fireworks. Unfortunately, it doesn’t mean the pretty July 4th kind it is more like the WWIII kind.

While there are many troubles within the relationship with this person, recently a reoccurring point of conflict has reared its ugly head and this time there will have to be considerable changes made to heal the wounds that have been afflicted. There is resentment still festering from past perceived wrongs.

If a relationship is a bank and each person makes deposits with positive things they bring and withdrawals with the mistakes and negatives then I would say that each of us has made our share of both. Each of us can only see the withdrawals of the other person because until those things are resolved for each of us we can’t begin to be willing to do what is need to heal the wrongs we did to the other. Yes it is a huge vicious circle. I am on a merry-go-round and no one will stop it and I am scared to jump off. What if the landing is worse than the ride?

I have to re-evaluate my goals for the upcoming year. Being apprehensive about what the next year will hold for me is scary at my age. Shouldn’t I be settled and comfortable and on my way to creating a life that I can share with my grown children and future grandchildren?

I have also been re-evaluating my religious beliefs and while everyone tells me to pray about the things I am going through I find that I am conflicted about that. I pray and I want to pray with confidence. Getting past the anxiety that I have eating away at my inside to find that confidence seems a something in the distant just outside my reach. I was recently sent an email by a friend and they spoke of the verse that has been told to be the center of the Bible. ("It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man." -Psalm 118:8.) In this context people read it as a lesson in not trusting in other people but in the Lord. At this time in my life it reminds me not to put my confidence only in myself and the decisions I might make while I am thinking I can figure it all out on my own. Instead I should trust that higher power to guide me.